Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
