I look better un-naked...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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