Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
