OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
