i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
