I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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