Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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