Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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