i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you never un-have a 4some
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
