lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
