apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
