yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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