Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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