Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
