I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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