Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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