He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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