Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
