whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
that's an acceptable place to lick
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
