she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The uberlube is also flammable
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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