I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
