Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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