I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I need moral support for this bender
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
