So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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