Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
