Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
