Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
