Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
