If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
