I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
