Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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