at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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