ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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