You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
