Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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