I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
