I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
