the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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