We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
