You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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