the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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