you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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