omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
