he puts the penis in happiness.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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