You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
