whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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