So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize