you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
