Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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