Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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