Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Please don't give away my fajitas
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
