im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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