I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
