Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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