There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
