I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize