I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
as a side note pls kill me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
