i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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