Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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