Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
