omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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