It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize