this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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