nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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