Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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