So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
