her facebook's as public as her vagina
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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