the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
