I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I would ride that face into the sunset
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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