Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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