i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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