oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
