What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
