Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
