At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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