Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
