Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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