I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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