these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
