I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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