So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
