I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
