listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
why do cheetos always look like penises
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
