It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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