Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Pants are for mortals
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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