I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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