she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
