I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
