like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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