At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
