I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
