if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
