i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
