I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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