evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
