i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
