the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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