true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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