I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
